Take Control

Sometime it feels like everything is out of control. The subway is having mechanical problems, it's raining, it's taxi change over time, you can't find an Uber, some man spills his coffee on you getting off the bus, and you have that important 9am meeting.

Even though you are having a terrible morning where unpredictable circumstances leave you off centered, you still have control of what happens the rest of the day. It's hard to feel that way in the moment, but you still have many choices on what happens next. Let's explore.

Option 1- You walk into your meeting clearly frustrated and disheveled. You apologize for being late and jump right into your presentation feeling unnerved.

Option 2- You contact the people who are in your meeting, let them know about the unfortunate coffee spill and tell them you need an extra hour to stop home and change.

Option 3- You pull a shirt off the sample rack (this is a fashion industry blog, so it's likely there are samples around) quickly change in the bathroom, enter your meeting a couple minutes late with the now entertaining morning you've just had.

There are probably 10 more things you could choose to do in the moment. What sounds like the best option? The point, there are always options.

Things happen that are out of your control: the boss that hired you leaves the company, your company gets sold to a private equity firm, your division is being moved to New Jersey, or your partner on a key project just took all the credit on the work you did. It's how you react to those situations that will stall your career or keep you moving forward.

First, decide what you want out of your career. What type of leader or teammate do you want to be?

Then, think about your situation carefully. What options do you have? There are usually two obvious ones, but there are generally several others that aren't so easy to see at first.

Finally, make a decision and take control. How will you reflect back upon the decisions you are about to make? How will you be perceived based on your planned reaction?

If you believe things are out of control and you are powerless in a situation, you are powerless. If something happens that's out of your control and you make a decision on what happens next, you have control. The decision is yours.

To learn more about career coaching, go to www.katekibler.com

Compromise or collaborate

I often hear people complain about compromises they have made. They find themselves in situations where think they have to compromise with someone in order to get something done. In some cases, it is true that compromising may be the only solution. Often however collaborating may lead to a better solution. Most people easily interchange the two words, but don’t be fooled. Compromise and collaborate are not synonyms.  

In a compromise, people give something up. There is a loss. In a compromise, each person negotiating starts from what they see as the optimal position and begins to give in until they meet somewhere in the middle. Neither party gets what they truly want.

Alternatively, in a collaboration each negotiator works together to arrive at a solution. In true collaborations, the pie (so to speak) can get bigger. Each party can get what they originally intended and maybe more. There is opportunity to look at the problem from various angles and think about solutions in a new way. Understanding each other’s goals will help you discover an optimal resolution.

When have you had the opportunity to ‘expand the pie’ through collaboration? How often do you compromise when collaboration may be an opportunity? Who collaborates really well? What can you do to lead through collaboration rather than compromise?

Positive Thoughts

I’m sure you have heard of Murphy’s Law. Murphy’s Law, in short, is the belief that if something can go wrong, it will go wrong.  Have you ever been so nervous or worried about dropping a tray in the cafeteria that it actually happens? Murphy’s Law? I don’t think so. After reading a few books on positive thinking, I am suggesting a change to the theory: if you think something can go wrong, it will go wrong. On the flip side, if you think positive, good things will happen.

Before becoming a career coach, I didn’t really believe this. I thought that the world was just the world. What I think does not control the outcome. I’ve worked with several other coaches and clients on positive thinking and have since changed my position. Positive thinking and reinforcement really does work. Although I’ve read the books, I still don’t know or understand much on neuroplasticity. After reading The Brain that Changes Itself: Stories of Personal Triumph from the Frontiers of Brain Science by Norman Doidge MD, what I do know is the power of the mind is amazing. There is so much that we don’t yet know about the human brain. I have seen positive thinking work for me, other coaches and many clients.

If you are skeptical in positive thinking, what is the downside to testing it on your own? How can you change the way you think to remove negative thoughts? Who can help you with positive thinking and affirmations? How can you help others with positive thinking?

To learn more about career coach Kate Kibler, go to www.katekibler.com

Thinking positive makes things better

Positive thinking or positive reinforcements can really turn around not only your attitude, but also your reality. Recent research suggests that having a positive outlook improves resiliency, improves your health, and makes you happier. It can be easy to get caught in a spiral of negativity when things aren’t going your way, but consider how you can turn that around.

After starting a new job, I was crunched for time. I just moved to a new city and outside of moving my home, I also needed to make a trip to the department of motor vehicles (DMV). I procrastinated going to the DMV as long as I possibly could. Almost every trip I had ever made to a DMV in any state ended in frustration. I had a sense of dread in the pit of my stomach. I was negative. In order to motivate myself to make the trip to the DMV, I started working on some positive reinforcements. I told myself over and over again that I would have a successful and productive trip to the DMV.

With my renewed positive energy, I printed off all of my papers, pulled together every piece of identification I had, and double checked the website one last time to make sure I had everything together. I arrived at the DMV first thing in the morning before they were open to a line of about one hundred people. Not bad. This line will go quickly once we get inside. When I got up to the counter, the woman told me I needed additional paperwork that I didn’t have (in her most off-putting tone she told me I not only needed the letter for proof of address, but also the envelope it came in). I stayed positive and asked a couple of questions. The woman across the counter came up with a good idea of how I could still do what I came to do. With her suggestion, I moved to the next counter. At the next counter, woman #2 told me she could not find my information in the system. I knew it was there. I asked her to check again. She checked again and repeated that it wasn’t in the system. My stomach started to sink into that place of negativity. I shook it off and kept with my promise of positivity. I calmly explained that there must be some confusion as I was told the DMV had my information. She checked one more time and found my file… someone had added a zero to my VIN number by accident.

While I had almost been pushed over to negative feelings, I was able to stay positive and walk out of the DMV with everything I needed. I only got what I needed because I was able to stay positive. If your inclination is to assume the worst out of a situation, the outcome will usually follow. If I had let negativity take over, I would have walked out with nothing to show for my trouble.

How can this example relate to a work situation? How can you stay positive and prescribe the outcome you want? Where do you find your negative feelings surface? How can you turn something negative into a positive? How can being positive influence your life?

For more information about career coaching go to www.katekibler.com